Soul Searching for Health
I have talked more than once about my past serial monogamy. From the time I was very young, I always had a boyfriend. I never allowed myself more than a few months to be single and then I would claim my next victim…er, I mean boyfriend. All joking aside, I wasn’t a “bad” girlfriend (some exes may disagree), I just lacked the ability to be okay without having my arms locked in with another. But today, as I sit on my deck, rocking back and forth on my patio furniture, typing away without a care in the world, I am reminded about the overwhelmingly healing–the Unexpected Health–one finds when…being single.
Being in love and being in a relationship has so many health aspects I wouldn’t even know where to begin. In fact, I think that humans are meant to be in community and in relationships during our time here on this Earth. Being in a relationship allows our hearts to experience unexplainable joy; having a special someone gives us a shoulder to cry on, a companion to share life with, and a last call at the end of any night. Many people are in fact, so scared to be alone that they will do just about anything to be ‘attached’ to someone else. I have been one of those people. But having been single for a few years now, I have seen where having time with no one but myself has given me clarity that continues to amaze me…and having a clear ‘self-portrait’ is healthy.
For all of you singles out there (actually, even those in relationships may relate), let me share with you some of the more healthFUL insights I have learned based on sayings I have heard over the years:
1. Eggs thrive when dispersed in multiple baskets, so don’t put all of yours in one.
2. Pedestals are never meant for another to reside on, so don’t set your ‘honey’ up there…they are bound to come tumbling off.
3. It does take two to tango, but it takes individual strength to learn how to dance.
4. “You Complete Me” is Complete Crap…we are never ‘complete’ while we live in these bodies, in this place, and during these times. Our imperfection, our incompleteness, keeps us reaching for meaning, and that is good thing.
5. “For Better or For Worse” is more than just a saying we repeat after our pastors, priests and ordained ministers. These words are not to be taken lightly. If your loved one’s “Worse” is a non-negotiable for you, then don’t walk down that aisle…walk away.
6. “I can’t live without you” is actually a clear-cut sign that you should…do not consider this a compliment when someone says this to you or you to them. It is a red flag that a relationship is based on need instead of want.
7. Love Potion No. 9 is poison. The myth that you can drink a magical tonic and fall in love with anyone is toxic. Don’t force yourself to love and be with someone simply because you are afraid there is no one else…there is.
After the fear subsides, being alone gives us permission to inquire within; to do a little soul searching, a little self-investigation, and a lot of healthFUL self-care. I am not suggesting that these inquires are impossible to do in a relationship, but oftentimes, we can become enraptured so deeply in the relationship that we forget that along with a “we,” being in relationship still needs a, “you” and a, “me.” So the next time you find yourself at a time of singlehood, embrace it! Do not be afraid of being without a ‘special someone.’ Consider your time as a single soul a perfect opportunity to learn more about another special someone…yourself. -Until tomorrow, Jaime
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